You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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