I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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