Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
