My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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