I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
