i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
and you fell through a lawn chair
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
