you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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