i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize