I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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