he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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