Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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