He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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