Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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