Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
