I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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