I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
