We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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