why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
