I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
try to milk me bitch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
