they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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