I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
