i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
