I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
