Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
