That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
