walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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