Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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