Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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