Midget sex pt 2 tonight
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
