ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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