i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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