no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
