Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
