How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
