im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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