3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
