it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
