yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
