1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's shark week go big or go home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
