dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
