And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
