I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
