Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
