my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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