There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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