whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my sisters under your porch take her home
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
