That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
