man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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