I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
