well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
