Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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