i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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