I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
