halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
