I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
