There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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