Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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