I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game