he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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