So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later