Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
