Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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