Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
