He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
