Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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