He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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