be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
