Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
