She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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