After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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