did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
