he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
