bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
