Im at strip club and am horny
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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